One-on-ones done right

One-on-ones between manager and direct report are the most important recurring meeting in management. They're also the most frequently misrun. Done well, they build trust, surface issues early, and accelerate the person's growth. Done as status updates, they waste an hour a week.

What 1:1s are NOT

• Not status updates. Status goes in writing. 1:1s are for things status reports can't carry.
• Not task assignment. Send a Slack message.
• Not informational updates. Email.
• Not performance reviews. Different meeting.

What 1:1s ARE for

• The human relationship. Check-in on the person, not just the work.
• Surfacing blockers. What's hard right now? What can I help with?
• Growth. Coaching, feedback, development.
• Context transfer. What's the direct report missing that I know?
• Feedback, both directions. What should I be doing differently as your manager?
• Career conversations. Where do you want to go? What's the path?

Frequency + length

• Default: 30-45 min, every week
• Senior reports: 60 min every 2 weeks
• New hires: 30 min weekly for first 3 months (maybe more frequent first month)

Don't cancel these. Ever. Reschedule if needed. Canceling sends the message that they matter less than every other meeting.

Who owns the agenda

The direct report. They bring topics. The manager can suggest, but the direct report's time gets priority.

In practice: shared doc. Both parties add bullets during the week. Revisit at the start.

The default agenda (when they didn't bring one)

1. How are you? (Actually. Not "fine.")
2. What's going well this week?
3. What's hard?
4. What do you want my help with?
5. Feedback for me?
6. Anything I should know that I might not?

Questions that actually surface signal

Instead of "How's it going?"

• "What's been the hardest part of your week?"
• "What decisions are you sitting on right now?"
• "Where's your head at on [project X]?"
• "What would you change about how the team's operating?"

For growth

• "What's a thing you want to get better at?"
• "When were you most energized this week?"
• "When were you least energized?"
• "Where do you see yourself in 18 months?"

For context

• "What don't I know that I should?"
• "Anything about your scope that doesn't make sense?"
• "Who on the team do you wish you worked with more?"

Notes

Keep a shared doc. Each meeting has a section. Notes include:

• Key topics discussed
• Action items (with owner + date)
• Anything to revisit next time

Revisit last week's notes first. Otherwise nothing persists.

Red flags in 1:1s

• Consistently short, you're not going deep
• Direct report brings no agenda, they don't feel ownership
• Only status updates, the format has degenerated
• Manager does most of the talking, reverse it
• No feedback (either direction), trust isn't there yet
• Repeated cancellations, subtle disrespect

When the relationship is new (first 6-12 weeks)

Extra investment in rapport + understanding:

• Share your operating style: how you like to work, decide, communicate
• Ask theirs
• Share expectations explicitly
• Normalize giving/receiving feedback early (before any crisis)

When things are going badly

The 1:1 is where you address it. Not email. Not Slack. Not a surprise performance review.

• Be specific: "In the meeting yesterday, I noticed [behavior]. Here's what I'd prefer: [behavior]."
• Check for their view: "Does that land? What's your perspective?"
• Agree on next steps

Feedback both directions

"Is there anything I should do differently as your manager?", ask every meeting, or at least monthly. Expect the answer to be "no" the first few times. Build trust. They'll eventually tell you.

When they do, take it. Don't defend. Reflect. Come back next week with what you changed.

The payoff of doing 1:1s well

• Retention goes up
• Performance issues get caught early, cheap to fix
• You see blind spots in the org
• Direct reports feel invested in
• Your reputation as a manager becomes an asset, not a liability